Abby's my fiance, Stacy's daughter. I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look on my computer. Actually, I'd better go check.

Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat them. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats Kevin.

Are you jealous because there's another girl around? She's prettier than you, though.

At least once a year I like to bring in some of my Kevin's famous chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff....

Hey, do you guys have any other games? Sometimes we play. Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth. You play that.

How was your gaycation? That's very funny. Yeah, I thought of that like 2 seconds after you left.

I am totally gonna bang Holly. She is cute and helpful and she really seems into me.

I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to beat you up. Thanks for the heads up, yeah.

I hear Angela's party will have double fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge. Angela. Double fudge. Angela.

I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.

I just wanted to say that just my mom's coming in today.

I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be kool-aid Man.

If someone gives you 10,000 to one on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude.

In general they do not give me much responsibility, but they do let me shred the company documents and that is really all I need.

Kevin's famous chili #the office #kevin malone #spills the chili #kevins famous chili

Man, I should have gotten some food, maybe some spaghetti. OK, Kevin, you can take off that thing, OK?

Man, that thing's bigger than I am. No, it's not. Ohh zipper.

Michael is so dumb that he tries to put his M&M's in alphabetical order.

My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man, my dogs are barking.

Nope, it's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone. Equally handsome, equally smart.

Ohh no it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.

Ooh, can I be Australian, mate? Absolutely. Hello mate. I like ice cream. I need a boyfriend. I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators using dingo babies.

She is prettier than you though #the office #pam beesly #kevin malone #prettier #better #fitter #good looking #ugly #bad

Thank you.

The best wedding I've ever been to. I got 6 numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number.

What a summer. An emotional roller coaster. I ran over a turtle in the parking lot. But then I saved him by gluing his shell back together. But I'm not that good at puzzles. Ohh, that piece doesn't...