A friend I've never listened to before.

A hero is any man who does his job.

Cancelling plans is like heroin. It is an amazing feeling.

Comparing the badness of two words #racist term #nword #derogatory #racism #racial slur #profiling #badness of two words #john mulaney #boomer

Everyone get out of my way.

Give us some money.

He's an average guy who only likes sports.

Hello, my wife is a bitch. And I don't like her.

I am damp all the time.

I didn't drink water the entire time.

I get nervous on airplanes.

I was glad I noticed him. I normally don't notice people.

I'm gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts.

Ohh thank you very much.

Someone's in here. Someone's in here.

What happened today?

When my wife walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. She's my hero.

Where's my money?