And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you.

Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise growing up. I perform my own circumcision.

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica #black bear #which bear is best #jim halpert #dwight schrute #impersonates

Blink once if you want me to pull the plug. Don't pull any plugs.

Buttlicker

Changes in martial arts #dwight schrute #jim halpert #the office

Christmas prank on dwight #pranks #jim halpert #dwight schrute #the office #desk #wrapping paper

Did you hear that Michael? #respect women #michael scott #dwight schrute #respect #treat us with respect

Does the skin look red and swollen? That's what she said. That's my joke. Damn it, Dwight.

Dwight and Michael howling #dwightschrute #howling #michael scott #dwight schrute

Dwight spills coffee on himself #dwight schrute #coffee #feet #pours coffee

Dwight yelling #anger #rage #mad #dwight shrute #scream

DWIGHT YOU IGNORANT SLUT | THE OFFICE

Dwight-you-ignorant-slut

Dwight's Speech

Dwight's Speech #blood alone moves the wheels of history #dwight schrute #striving for greatness #war of work

First, let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire? None. You're picking a health care plan.

Hand desanitizer stations

Hardcore Parkour #andy bernard #dwight schrute #michael scott #the office #jump into box

Hello Mother

Hey, you know what's even cooler than Triceratops? Every other Dinosaur that ever existed.

Hug it out, bitch #hug it out #michael scott #dwight schrute #steve carelll #rainn wilson #hug

I do not understand what you spend your money on

I do not understand what you spend your money on #the office #steve carell #dwight schrute #michael scott #what do you do #what did you do #money #bills #cash #funds

I heard a joke today #angela martin #dwight schrute #the office

I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors.

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at main, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most

I've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my ***** up into itself.

Identity theft is not a joke #dwight schrute #jim halpert #rainn wilson #stole my identity #copying me #imitating me

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim millions of families suffer every year.

Idiot Quote Dwight Schrute

If I could men straight, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore and just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else, the value that loyalty more highly. I'm going wherever they...

My horn can pierce the sky

My horn can pierce the sky #the office #michael scott #princess unicorn #my horn can pierce the sky #office christmas #dwight schrute

No god please no the office

Nothing stresses me out, so having to seek the approval of my inferiors.

Oh d

Oh D!

People say, Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace. Well, I say it's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, then by a stranger on purpose.

Security in this office Park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my Spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you i...

Some say the only failure there is is the failure to try and that is wrong. Failure of any kind is failure.

The eyes are the groin of the head

The Office

The office Thats what she said

The office twins

There's too many people on this earth. We need a new plague.

This is huge

Through concentration I can raise and lower my cholesterol it well. Why would you want to raise your cholesterol so I can lower it?

What are the diary they keep secrets from my computer?

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's in midnight? do I go for the vault? Now? I go for the chandelier. It's priceless as I'm taking it down, a woman catches me, she tells me to stop. It...

What is the most inspiring thing ever said to you? Don't be an idiot. Changed my life.

What is your middle name danger?

When I was in the 6th Grade, I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. Anne I misspelled in front of the entire school. The word failure.

Whenever I'm about to do something I think would an idiot do that, and if they would, I do not do that thing.

WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?! #michael scott #the office #dwight schrute #gift basket #steve carrell

White tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself. I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi, I can and do cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist because I am unable to pulverize my o...

You couldn't handle my undivided attention.

You know, I really would have appreciated a heads up that you were into dating mothers. I would have introduced you to mine.