A bit of a maverick

A ha

A trapped boy

Aboot?

Access to Dixons

Actually, being your age and everything, there's probably no need for them

Afraid so

Ah come on

Ah ha

Ah ha 2

Ah ha 3

Ah ha 4

Ah ha 5

Ahhh (end of episode sigh)

Alan Attack. Like the Cook Report, but with a more slapstick approach.

Alan Partridge AI covers Carpenters - Close to You (Why Do Birds)

Alan, I want you back on the telly

Alan's Deep Bath - Brought to you by Dettol

Alan's Funny Stories

Alans deep bath brought to you by Dettol

Alright Chris

And a broken home is not an excuse for evil

And from 1993, manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them 'Crab Flavoured Sticks'

And I'll be Alan Partridge!

And I'm an innocent bystander

And now it's time for Alan's Fact of the Day

And then I'll put you across my knee and smack your bare bottom

And then make a program about it

Annie Lennox

Another one of those, same time tomorrow

Any messages?

Aqua

Aqua

Are you the crank caller?

Arm wrestling

Around the world bullnose

Arsonist

As I see it, God created Adam and Eve

Aye

Aye

Aye, you know, vandals

Back of the net

Back of the net

Baileys

Bang and Olufsen

Bang out of order

Bangkok

Bank holiday

Bank holiday2

Bash your arse

Battery for an Ericsson?

Beauty sleep forty winks

Because he was depressed

Because of a threat of a court injunction

Best friends

Best full English breakfast I've had since Gary Wilmot's wedding

Best valentines in eight years

Better idea, why don't you shove it up your arse?

Big eared boys

Big girls bras

Biggestfan

Billwithers

Bingbangstickitin

Bird noise

Bit of a job for you

Blew his head off with a gun?

Bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre

Bollocks

Bollocks, you don't know Bono

Boys are back in the barracks

Bugger

But my wife's vegetarian

Call her a fat cow then hang up

Camp hello Alan

Can I have a sniff?

Can we talk about me

Can you make pornography come on my telly please.

Cashback

Catch the train to London, stopping at rejection, disappointment, backstabbing central, and shattered dreams parkway

Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here

Chinese Way, Level 42

Clean license

Cock a doodle who

Cock a doodle who

Conman

Cooking in prison

Crab sticks do not actually contain any crab

Dan

Dan

Dan

Dan

Dan

Danny Francetti's Jazz Box

Deepphunkyclav

Did he leave a message?

Do you deny that

Do you do that with your boyfriend?

Do you er

Do you like me doing that

Do you like me doing that?

Do you like mini kievs?

Do you like my cones?

Do you like owls?

Do you mind if I bring my guitar?

Do you mind if I talk?

Do you really?

Do you see upset zombies

Doesn't matter, she can have fish

Dosser and dwad

Dunno what you're talking about

Eeeeeey Lynn

Email of the evening

Er, there's a market...

Establishedthat

Fascinating creatures though

Fat spotty behind in a dead man's chair

Fayresonfire

Few too many blacks

Film extravaganza

Fingerprint a sausage

First class

Flying AIDS

Footballpie

Footlikeatractionengine

Forget it

Four British Isles breakfasts

Frank Sinatra

Funny stories

Gadzooks

Get rid of it

Gill sleeping with me

Give me another series you shit

Gland

Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged, or not appreciated

Goal

Gonnahumpya

Good onion idea

Ha ha ha, unbelieveable

Haha oh no haha

Has this kitchen been distressed?

Have I got a pierced navel?

Have you ever been to the Far East, Michael?

He didn't create Adam and Steve

He got scared and ran away

He is not Bono #bono

He was in the army and I think he saw people being blown up

Hello Alan, didn't know you'd moved in

Hello chris are you dead

Hello partridge

Hello, Dante Fires, just through there. Oooo you're going to have a good time

Hello, have you got a brain or is your head just full of s...

Hello, I've just swallowed a load of anthrax, and I'd like to let off like mad in the club bar. Can I come in?

Hello, is that Currys?

Hello?

Hello??

Helloooo

Hidethesteak

Hitcustomers

Hittheroad

Hot topic

Hot topic short

How do you, can I...

How old are you?

Hrgggh, sex

Huuueee

I ate a scotch egg

I believe we've established that #already established that

I can't breathe, I can't breathe

I can't talk, I've got a fat back

I didn't quite kill him, that was the tragedy, I had to go back and kill him with a jack

I didn't want to be sick in the road

I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing

I dont find attractive

I got really drunk last night, I was sick everywhere

I have popped out again

I know you're a DJ, but I've heard your show

I like your thong

I love 'em

I love you, in a way

I saw the Golden Temple man, beautiful it was

I think it's the best idea in the world

I think that's a great idea

I thought it would have broken down by now, but I think I'm slightly constipated

I was drunk

I was in the army when I was 1

I wasn't trying to steal a traffic cone

I'd love to

I'd love to have it off with her

I'll be honest, I'm dead against it

I'll be honest, I'm pretty curious

I'll get him later

I'll have a pint of bitter!

I'll level with you, I'm really scared

I'm 43 you cheeky git!

I'm afraid I have no sheaths

I'm going to go home and just probably go straight to bed, and keep out of trouble

I'm having a barbeque, fancy coming over?

I'm joined by Alice, who's not going to shrink me into a little bottle, she's going to tell me about Hamleton's Holiday Breaks

I'm leaving you, you cow!

I've got a broad taste, from the Brit pop bands like UB40, Def Leppard, right back to classic rock like Wings